Dating tips: from the perspective of a bartender

Bartenders are like a hidden, unexplored, and unheard source of wisdom. We don’t even aware they’re there when we’re in the midst of our most painful and joyful experiences. As a result, bartenders have access to the public’s most sensitive behaviors, such as dating.

All bartenders deal with uncomfortable flirtations, absolutely unwelcome approaches, and awful first-date discussions that make you wonder, “Dude, why’d you say her that?” while scrolling through your Facebook.

I’m not a relationship expert, but my time behind the bar has given me some (usually unsolicited) insight into what works and what doesn’t in relationships. So, as someone who has witnessed more dates crash and burn in front of their eyes than they care to remember, there are a few things I can recommend from the other side of the bar.

Don’t ask bartnenders to support you

Don’t ask us to assist you to pick someone up, no matter how much we like you or how great we get along. It would not only be unethical on our behalf, but it would also be ethically reprehensible because the possibilities of us knowing you well enough are minimal. Remember, it’s our duty to be pleasant, but it doesn’t imply we’re in your circle of friends. This is a great opportunity for them.

Don’t try to make her drunk

You’ll appear suspicious if you continually ask her if she wants another drink. Even though your objective is to be courteous and respectful, she may misinterpret your words. Keep in mind that you don’t want your date to believe you’re trying to make her intoxicated, so be cautious. Nine times out of ten, if she wants another drink, she’ll come out and say so – or order it herself.

No silence

It’s tempting to believe that the lively ambiance of a pub would compensate for any lulls in the discussion, but this is far from the case. You’ll want to avoid embarrassing situations, especially on a first date. Bring a variety of discussion points with you. Alternatively, if it becomes silent, use it as a cue to switch to a new activity. Your companion is unlikely to want to spend the entire evening in a pub. Inquire if she wants to go for a stroll.

Forget about pickup lines

And we’re not talking about the clichéd pick-up line “Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?” Any and all overused lines to catch a girl’s attention are fair game. If you see a female you like at the bar, simply be yourself. Approach her, strike up a conversation, offer tiny praise, and then read her body language. Words are not as powerful as body language.

Don’t show off

Showing off how much you can drink, how “in” with the bartender, or talking about the automobile you drive are all bad methods to attract a girl’s attention. Even the most down-to-earth people may become cocky in a bar scene (and with a little alcoholic bravado). Try to stay away from the temptation.

Do everything right

I can’t emphasize this enough: don’t order a drink and then carry it to her by hand. Women are more cautious than ever before when it comes to taking alcohol from strangers. There are two options for purchasing a drink for her. You can approach her and offer to buy her a drink, then accompany her to the bar and order it jointly from the bartender. You can even go directly to the bartender and have him or her convey the message.

It’s never a good idea to get drunk

Your date’s drinking habits, as well as your own, are huge red flags. If you’re on a first date, you shouldn’t keep ordering drinks. It will give the impression to your date that you drink excessively or that you require the booze to get through your time with her. Similarly, if she’s drinking too much and being sloppy, it’s a warning that things aren’t going to work out.

Don’t make bartenders a part of your conversation

If you’re on a first date and finding it difficult to strike up a conversation, you might want to talk to us to relieve the stress. This, on the other hand, has the opposite impact. It makes bartenders feel uncomfortable, and it makes your date feel uninterested and forgotten. Bartenders are unable to intervene and save your date. And forget about it if your attempt to bring us into the discussion begins with “Can you please inform (my date) that…” when your date is sitting right there.

Mind your speech

You’ve seen them before. “Do you want to get out of here?” says the narrator. “Let’s go somewhere peaceful where we can chat,” or “Let’s go somewhere quiet where we can discuss.” Absolutely no! Even if they don’t know how to get out of it, your date will perceive this as a red sign. Even if your motives aren’t shady, it’s sleazy terminology that’s inauthentic and suspect.

Choose different locations for differents partners

It’s impossible for the person to avoid it. If you’re a regular customer, we’ll identify you and give you away, much to your dismay. This is not going to make a good impression on your date. You could even be greeted with, “Oh, so you’re a regular here.” This isn’t simply a remark; it’s a conclusion. Even if you return to the same bar again, don’t exaggerate your familiarity. When it comes to making a first impression, this has only negative implications.

Keep It Real

Authenticity is the most important factor in attracting a woman’s attention. Something about clubs and drinking has a way of turning individuals into raucous, overconfident versions of themselves. Your love interest can tell if the bartender can tell.

We’ve helped individuals through all kinds of life events as bartenders, including breakups, depressive periods, and even grief. We may simply be an apparition pouring wine in between your daily activities, but we’re also excellent monitors of human behavior who have witnessed our fair share of tragedy. That also means we’ve witnessed our fair share of complete and total joy.

Fortunately, our front-row seats at every significant human event make us a reliable source. So, the next time you’re in a pub and notice someone who catches your attention, think about these recommendations before making a move.

Realize the nature of a true, committed relationship

A healthy, attentive connection is the foundation of a good marriage. When two individuals know how to stay focused, motivated, and reasonable, they may work together to create something beautiful and meaningful. This implies that before you can have a family, you must first learn certain fundamentals. Check to see whether you have the necessary experience:

• You don’t set any boundaries and accept any choice. This is not to say that you may do everything you want in your relationship without consequences; rather, it means that you must trust your partner. If you love your partner, you will never hurt him or her. This is the sensation of self-sufficiency: you have the freedom to do whatever you want, but you always choose the best option. Abusive relationships are those in which one spouse refuses to let the other partner feel at ease in his or her own skin.
• You should be able to learn and develop as a result of your interactions. You can’t just sit around hoping for a happy marriage to happen. Bring fresh colors into your life, work on yourself, and share what you’ve learned the day before with your partner. It’s a never-ending collaborative effort. Otherwise, you’ll wind up divorcing because you’ll move too far in opposing directions.
• Make it as simple as possible for you both to convey your emotions. Don’t be afraid to express your feelings and share what’s on your mind.
• Your primary emphasis should be on your partner, not on yourself. Regardless of how they feel or what happened between them, partners must always help one other in a tough situation. So, if you find your soulmate in need, there is no time to think about whether or not you want to help.

Conclusion

Don’t be shy to use some help! Follow these simple tips to achieve greater success in your relationship. Enjoy your time and make your partner enjoy it too when you are together. There is nothing complicated here, so anyone will handle this. Remember to be confident and relaxed!